No, this post isn’t about Vino and all the excuses he should be making for being an asshole…but let me just say I’m not too surprised.

Anyways, this post is about all the excuses I have for DNFing the most important race of my season. Heck yea, baby…this one feels oh so bad. Let me just inform my dear readers that I have DNFed less than five races in my entire career. The first was 24 Hours of Old Pueblo three years ago, and I was pretty much hypothermic. The second was the Sea Otter stage race last year because I tore my MCL. The third was the Tumacacori RR in AZ this spring because I was digging myself into a training hole. The fourth was the Tour del Paso because my rear wheel was broken and the wheel car was gone. The fifth was the U23 Pro Womens race at MTB Nationals last weekend…and it will take a long time to forgive myself for this one…especially cause next year I’m gonna be an old lady.

So for a little context, MTB Nationals was pretty much a shit race. It rained for three days prior to the event, and the course had become the texture of peanut butter. Oh well, no big deal, I like to play in the mud. It stopped raining the day of the race, and by the 5 pm start time, the course had dried out for a day, but three other categories (including the pro women) had raced on it earlier that day. There was an entire section of the climb that was unrideable…you literally had to run for almost ten minutes.

So anyways, at the start I went as hard as I could at the gun and reached the first singletrack in second position behind Chloe. By that point, I was boggle-eyed from going so hard and messed up the first descent. I got back in the grove and had the feeling I always have ten minutes into a cross country race that I desperately needed to quit. I usually feel like death for the first lap and then find my mojo. So I trucked along and caught two girls that had passed me. I was cruising down the last descent of the first lap, the yardsale section with the huge crowd, when I did the best endo of my career, came out of my pedals, and landed with my knees splayed out to both sides and my ass flat on the ground. There were cheers, and ohhhs, and ahhhs, and I pulled my muddy checks out of the hole my wheel had stopped in and got back on my bike. That’s when I realized I had twisted my left knee…the one I tore my MCL on the year before…the one that healed with a ligament longer than it should be…the one that needs reconstructive surgery…and it was screaming. I rode through the feed zone and told Chris and David (mechanic and manager) I had twisted my knee. They told me to ride the parade lap and see how I felt. So, I headed up the first climb and knew it was over…I had totally lost my mojo. I came down the first descent walking my bike and crying and pulled out of the race. All I have to say about that is !!#!@#$%%@@$%! My teammate Heather made me feel a little better though, because she said, “It’s ok, I still love you, hot fudge sundae.” In case you were wondering, hot fudge sundae is my pot-tart personality…so you can refer to me as such from here on out.

As it turns out, I did not reinjure my already injured knee. It is bruised and stiff, but nothing tore further. I am bummed about the situation, but in the end, feel I made the right decision…which is usually the hardest one to make.

So anyways, I think I figured out why I had such a bad race in Vermont. As many of you may know, you have to sacrifice important items to the race gods who live in porta-potties in order to have good races. See my blog entry titled “Sacrifice” for further information. So in any case, there were no porta-potties in Vermont. What kind of mountain bike race doesn’t have porta-potties? Indoor plumbing is for sissies. So for those of you who want an excuse for my bad race experience…blame the indoor plumbing.

PS – Congrats to Chloe and Sam for winning the U23 stars and bars! Yeah baby!

Check this out…

http://kuat.org/misenplace.cfm?ID=699

Watch till the end to see my cool impression of a bobble-head doll.

Well

Well, I haven’t been racing lately since it’s too hot in AZ to hold bike races other than TT’s and crits, and I’m too poor to travel to anything but MTB Nationals – which is less than two weeks away!! – and NORBA’s, so due to that and a bunch of other lame excuses, I haven’t blogged lately. Here’s what I have been up to though…no good, as usual.

Numero Uno: The Five Percent Ride

So a few weeks ago, the Snake, Hightower, and I decided to drive to the top of Mount Lemmon to ride mountain bikes in the cool air. Kyle and I spent many hours online finding a good loop on the mountain. So we decided to link together some trails on top to make a ten mile loop. We just wanted a mellow ride. The ride started down a fire-road and then dove into the woods on singletrack. At first, it was great, a little overgrown, but great. Then, it got more overgrown, and more, and more, and more. Finally, Jake, Kyle, and I were lugging our bikes through heavily overgrown woods and over fallen logs and a not riding at all. Long story short, we ended up hiking our bikes for over two hours. We kept moving forward since the trail would trick us every now and then. Fabulous singletrack would appear for a few minutes and then the trail would become unrideable again. Ok, here’s the bad part, I had a vaccine on Friday and our hike was on Sunday. I think the vaccine messed with me because I got really woozy about an hour and a half into the walk. Kyle tried to take my bike, run up the trail with it, and run back down the trail to get his, but I kept yelling at him about getting hurt or something. Finally, I was so out of it – I actually felt drunk…kinda wish I was – Kyle ended up carrying both of my bikes…I can’t believe I am admitting this. Between the three of us, we got five fat tires, but the other one flatted that night in my garage. After we made it back to the car, Kyle remarked that we had ridden for about five percent of the time we were out there…thus, it was named the five percent ride. In total, we travel ten miles in three hours. Blazin’ fast.

Numero Dos: The Hundred Percent Rides

Went mountain biking in Flagstaff last weekend. Kyle got a twenty-niner. Those things aren’t too bad, they sure do role over obstacles more smoothly than a regular mountain bike. Kyle did awesome for being new to mountain biking. He dropped me on the climbs and didn’t get dropped – too badly – by me on the descents. Very nice.

Numero Tres: Baby Mountain Lion

So after Flag, Kyle and I went to Parker, AZ, where his aunt and uncle have a house on the Colorado River. I drove a jet ski sixty miles per hour. Wowee. I also amazed Kyle’s relatives with my fantastic tan lines. Oh baby! Then, we went riding along the Colorado River on a dirt road one morning. We saw some deer, and there were large paw prints all over the ground. Suddenly, a creature bounded across the road in front of us. It was maybe two feet tall, it had spots, and it’s paws and legs were way too big for it’s body – kinda like a big puppy – but it was definitely of the feline sort. Kyle and I both instinctively stopped, and I said immediately, “Turn around.” We both turned around and started pedaling the other way. Kyle thought we had seen a baby bobcat, but then we realized it had a long tail…definitely a mountain lion. I’m really glad we didn’t meet it’s mommy.

Numero Cuatro: My New Phone

Yeah, I got a new phone, thanks to my lovely parents. But as many of you may know, I had the other one fished out of the porta-potty because I needed the numbers on it. So I stuck it in a plastic bag and took it to the Qwest kiosk at the Mall in Tucson. I handed it to the guy behind the counter and asked if he had any gloves. He didn’t, so I told him he might want to wash his hands after he tried to get the numbers off it. Why, he wanted to know. Oh, well, ya know, I dropped it in the toilet. Oh, no biggie, he says, people do that all the time. I didn’t tell him what kind of toilet. Is that bad karma? Anyways, some jerk must have peed on it or something, because I couldn’t get the numbers back. It was totally burned out. Waaaaaaaa. I hope that guy washed his hands…

Next…well, I’m off to MTB Nationals in Vermont in a week.  Till then, I’m wishing it were thirty degrees cooler in Tucson and less humid so my swamp cooler would work better.  Kyle left for Cascade today where he can show off his new mountain bike skills…or not.