Leather Chamois

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So, I’m just working at the bike shop one day minding my own business when the phone rings…

ME:  Hello, thanks for calling Fairwheel Bikes.  This is Melanie.  How can I help you?

Customer: So I was wondering…I have some bike shorts with a leather chamois.

Me: Uh huh.

Customer: Do you recommend using the saddle treatment for Brooks leather saddles on the leather chamois?

PAUSE…

Me: Ummmmm, do you mean the leather treatment rub for the saddle itself?

Customer: Yeah…

Me: Well, I don’t think that’s really meant for your skin.  I think it works better on dead cow skin.

Customer: So do you think it would be a good idea to use it on the leather chamois?

Me: You might want to consult a dermatologist.  Well, but no, not really.  It might cause chaffing…or worse.  I really have no idea.  Have you tried real chamois cream?  Butt Butter?  Assos?  Like I said, I don’t really recommend it.  Would you like me to ask around the shop?  One of the guys in the back might have some experience in this sort of matter.

Customer: Sure.

Me: Let me put you on hold.

So I walk to the back of the shop.  Laughing.

Me: Hey guys, who wants to talk to this customer about a leather chamois?

The End

Ok, so this is a true story.  The dialogue may be embellished a bit.  I’m generally not that sarcastic in real life; except when I’m talking to my mom.  I love you mom.  Dear customer, if by some freak of nature you read this post, I hope there are no bad feelings.  I mean the best.  I hope you did not get a rash.

Cascade Classic

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The Cascade Cycling Classic last week in Bend, OR turned out to be a good old fashioned ass kicking.  Unfortunately, I was not the kicker but the kickee.  My second NRC turned out to be much harder than my first - Tour of the Gila - but perhaps the good week at Gila was just beginner’s luck.  But I must say, these long stage races are growing on me.

A quick recap of Cascade:

Stage 1: Hot, hotter, hottest.  It was hottest when the women’s race was completely stopped just after the top of the QOM due to a nasty crash in the men’s race.  I didn’t mind stopping so they could get the poor guy that stuck his wheel into a cattle guard and endo’ed going 40 mph to the hospital as fast as possible, but standing around in the 100 plus degree sun for 30 minutes after a hard effort and then trying to race again was interesting.  I did manage to avoid all of the crashes in the women’s field which was a bonus.  My finish on top of Pilot Butte was decent, but nothing to write home about.

Stage 2:  Slingshot day.  The race went nuts from the gun, but since I’m miserable at placing myself in a good position in the pack, I just sat at the back while a break went off the front with most of the teams represented.  When we got to the final climb of the day, I stupidly missed the split in the field and ended up in no-man’s land between two groups.  I finally let my dejected, annoyed carcass sit up and wait for the group behind me while up ahead Kristen Armstrong managed to catch and ride through most of the women in the break.  She is amazing.  Wow.  Meanwhile, I (not amazing…not yet) played slingshot.  As I rode up the climb I went from feeling good, going fast, to feeling bad, going slow, back to fast, back to slow, and then even slower.  It ended on a slow note.  I couldn’t even feel my feet at the finish.  Not a good sign.

Stage 3: TT.  That’s about all I have to say.  Bleh.  I was going so hard at the end that I actually started crying.  Yes, crying.  Not because I was sad, but because my legs were screaming and my eyeballs were popping out of my head.  It was not one of my better performances, that’s for sure.

Stage 4: Despite my lame efforts, I managed to move up from 50th something position to the low 40’s in GC before the crit.  Mind you, I went into Cascade hoping for a top 20 finish, so as you can imagine, things were not going as planned.  The crit was hard.  I avoided a huge crash in the field yet again and hung on for dear life.  I was planning on riding the required 20 minutes before dropping out, but before I knew it, the race was almost over.  I looked behind me with 10 laps to go and saw the moto behind me…I thought  surely there were other girls behind me, but there were none.  I managed to cross the finish line last in the main group but with the same time as the pack!  I got some serious cheers for being the loser at the VERY back of the pack for most of the race, but hey, I was there until the end.  I’ll take it…for now.
Stage 5: The race was gorgeous through the mountains outside of Bend.  We finished at the ski park on Mt. Bachelor, and I finally had a good race.  My legs actually felt like legs…fast legs, perhaps…a huge improvement from the logs I was pedaling around with the first few days.  I had managed to move up into the mid-30’s in GC from the TT and crit, so I was hoping to make the selection on the final climb.  Well, I didn’t make the selection, but I did make the strong 2nd chase group.  The finish was relatively flat, with a huge swooping turn across crappy, bumpy, hole-riddled pavement.  My group was coming in fast, but hesitated on the bad road, so I took the advantage to attack and let the mountain biker inside of me loose.  I flew over the bumps, caught some air maybe, and almost caught a few people in front of me on the finish line with a few seconds advantage over the girls I rode in with.  I ended up 23rd…my best finish of the week.  Not fabulous, but an improvement from the 50’s.  Again, I moved up the 32rd or so in GC.   Just keep on moving up, right.  Pain face at the end.

Stage 6: Wrong.  Well, I didn’t start Stage 6.  Why?  Um, I was at Urgent Care in Bend.  Kyle had shingles last year.  Shingles is the sequel virus to the chicken pox virus, and it lives in your nerve roots long after you have had chicken pox and can flare up if your immune system is down.  It’s rare in young people, and not contagious, but when I noticed a strange rash on my chest in a perfect line (shingles usually forms this way since it follows a nerve root), I decided I better get it checked out.  So needless to say, I didn’t start the race.  As it turns out, I don’t think it was shingles, even though the Urgent Care doc did diagnose it as such.  Shingles is supposed to be really painful, and since I had no pain, it was probably bug bites or something.  I’m not sure if I regret my decision to get it checked out or not…the race looked hard and hot…anyways, that’s why I didn’t finish Cascade, but I’ll definitely be back next year.

Kyle had a good race in a really deep men’s field.  He moved up every stage and finished strong with the main group on the last day.  Should be good practice for Tour of Utah.  Levi was there and Chris Horner, and everyone was all starry-eyed…well, including myself.  My personal favorite image from the week has to be this one: what a nice guy.  I’m sorry, but that just cracks me up.

I’m at the Olympic Training Center for a Women’s Cycling Camp this week, and yes, I am still all starry-eyed.  I could get used to this place.  More on that to come.

Lovely Ladies

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The Specialized D4W ladies finally got together for a team picture (well, most of us).

Oh la la

Not too shabby lookin’ if I say so myself.

I’m off to Cascade in a few days.  Meanwhile, I have escaped from the furnace and am living it up in good ‘ol Flagtown.  I get to play nurse this week since my mom just had a spinal fusion.  I am a crappy nurse, but I can whip up a mean salad and take lots of naps.

This guy snapped a picture of me while I was riding down Mt. Lemmon the other week.  Geez, I am higher up in my drops than most people are in their hoods.  Note: neon green pump straps are making a come back.

Drops

The Specialized D4W ladies helped me win the Summit Center stage race up here in Flag last weekend.  I got to sport a fabulous leaders jersey with a huge red and white target on the back.  I was somewhat concerned that I might be mistaken for an elk.  We all rolled home with lots of cash.  Thanks to TC for equal prize money for the 1/2 women and men!

Yesterday I borrowed a sweet Pivot full suspension bike from my old employer - Absolute Bikes - up here in Flag.  Rocking the full suspension, long travel bike with Time pedals and road shoes is most fashionable these days.  I don’t recommend screwing up in a technical section, however.  It is most difficult to clip back in.

That’s all for now.

 

 

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