So, I’m just working at the bike shop one day minding my own business when the phone rings…

ME:  Hello, thanks for calling Fairwheel Bikes.  This is Melanie.  How can I help you?

Customer: So I was wondering…I have some bike shorts with a leather chamois.

Me: Uh huh.

Customer: Do you recommend using the saddle treatment for Brooks leather saddles on the leather chamois?

PAUSE…

Me: Ummmmm, do you mean the leather treatment rub for the saddle itself?

Customer: Yeah…

Me: Well, I don’t think that’s really meant for your skin.  I think it works better on dead cow skin.

Customer: So do you think it would be a good idea to use it on the leather chamois?

Me: You might want to consult a dermatologist.  Well, but no, not really.  It might cause chaffing…or worse.  I really have no idea.  Have you tried real chamois cream?  Butt Butter?  Assos?  Like I said, I don’t really recommend it.  Would you like me to ask around the shop?  One of the guys in the back might have some experience in this sort of matter.

Customer: Sure.

Me: Let me put you on hold.

So I walk to the back of the shop.  Laughing.

Me: Hey guys, who wants to talk to this customer about a leather chamois?

The End

Ok, so this is a true story.  The dialogue may be embellished a bit.  I’m generally not that sarcastic in real life; except when I’m talking to my mom.  I love you mom.  Dear customer, if by some freak of nature you read this post, I hope there are no bad feelings.  I mean the best.  I hope you did not get a rash.